I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
