I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
