I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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