I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
