We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize