i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
