I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
