sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
