I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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