Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize