you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
