My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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