Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
