sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
