I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
accomplished twins. life is a go
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just high enough for therapy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
