I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
