from now on my penis is your penis
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
