I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
