We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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