It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
