I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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