Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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