Already got asked if we're dating
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
