Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
