btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
