are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
