and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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