I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize