sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
