I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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