Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
