Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
