i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
