Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My feet surprised me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
