i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
