yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
