The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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