Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
