She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
