Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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