brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you win again, gameday.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
