Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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