My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
