I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
