in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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