you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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