In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
