it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
