i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize