theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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