Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
