areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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