You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
