She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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