if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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