It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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