school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
