We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
