I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
