oh god the rape fog is back!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
