By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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