i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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