Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Randomize
