You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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