Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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