you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize