My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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