didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
