Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
