we're blogging at a bar
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
