Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so explain again why im purple
no
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize