I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
we should paint friendship bongs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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