There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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