If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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