so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
